I am an elegant ham!

And professionally photographed too.

Extreme Makeover: Ham edition

It has been brought to my attention that I have been recently depicted as frumpy, unkempt, unhygienic, even grouchy... Well, it wasn't my fault - the hired help hadn't cleaned my pad in weeks!

So I bribed them with a pecan, and now I am a new ham...
Notice the clean soft coat, the smell of wheat...
I am so shiny, I can even see my reflection in the mirror!
Alas, witness my powerful hamgams.
I am good as new!
Jolly good day to you!

Baby brother grows a name

Without further adieu, the new name for baby brother is...

Faromir!
I guess Mater is a big Lord of the Rings fan.
Just be glad you didn't end up Gimli or Bilbo.

Faro can fit anywhere...

He also blends in like a chameleon.

Once Faromir left the shire, he never wanted to return...
Goodbye baby brother!

Prison break

Breaking news: Miscreant hamster jailed for public urination

I prison break!

Breaking news: Ham on the lam apprehended!

Why hello there. I see you've caught me plotting my escape.

For this trick, I will require a pleasant demeanor...

... and a spacious set of jowls.

That's right - I am not Hamhead. I am Maggie! Mistaken identity!

Yes, yes... look how tame I am.

You're next, buddy.

The land of the free and the home of the brave

Sometimes party time for humans results in neglected children.

I want to party too. Someone call PETA!
Meanwhile, in a land not so far, far away...

Redeye to base, redeye to base...
I have escaped internment and infiltrated the Two Legs den.
This impressive sound system tells me we have teleported to the 1980s.
Redeye to big brother, redeye to big brother: status report requested.
Umm... nothing much. Just sitting on my freckled balls.
Waituminute...
What are you doing out there?
* ROOAAAAAARRRR!!! *

Fan mail

I suppose it's time to take a break from my busy routine and read some fan mail.

This first letter appears to be from my Uncle Jones. I'm not sure what it's supposed to be.
Another bewildering entry.
And here is something from Mahter. I bowl with blueberries!

Oh brother where art thou?

Just the other day, a great explorer came around the bend and discovered something new...
Redeye!!
To give you a little background, I once had a brother who looked exactly like me, only with red eyes. I miss my brother.
It's amazing how you can live somewhere for almost 2 years without running into one of your neighbors.
This guy must be a recluse!
But he kind of looks like me with a bleach job.
Definitely sue your barber.
Anyways, you will be my new brother. Oh jolly day!
And here's a baby photo of him. Kind of reminds me of someone...